Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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