I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
