it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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