I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
