Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
