Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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