Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
