So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize