i permit you to call me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
