yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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