tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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