you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
