I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
