I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
