Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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