So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
