i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
