maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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