god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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