apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
