this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
