you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize