you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You can't special order awesome
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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