now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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