I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
