Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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