Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize