I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
