You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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