Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
