I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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