She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
