sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
