I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize