maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
