Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
