Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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