College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
