I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
