I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
