That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
