I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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