i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
