And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
