I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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