youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
