Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
did i walk over a car last night?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
