if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
