just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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