shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
