When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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