So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
