don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
