But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
