I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
