Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize