What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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