mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
