I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
