Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
