It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
