Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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