She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
