so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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