the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize