Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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