We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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