Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
