last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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